so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
