His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
