I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
