I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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