All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
