just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
