You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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