just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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