my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
