I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Come on in and take your pants off
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