woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
