she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
