Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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