I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How external is "for external use only"?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
