Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
