he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
