I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
