He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
