If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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