how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
