the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
