she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
