I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
