9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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