I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
