evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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