Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
