Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
