I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
