I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
