At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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