I'm eating all of the evidence.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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