Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
