just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
