dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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