he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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