The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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