When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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