thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My hand turned me down
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
