He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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