apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
