Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize