this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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