I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
