Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
