2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
