I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
