Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
