they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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