Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
