woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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