I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
