why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
