how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize