Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
