Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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