I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
