Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
