If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it glows. i had to have it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
