Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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