haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
