Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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