Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
