he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
