We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
