Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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