Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
