i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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