I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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