i wish peter jackson would direct porn
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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