So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
