I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Operation Purity has been aborted
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
