Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
