Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
