That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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