I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
